Master Bit Theater #4-Indian Style Without Fail


Hello, this is Anything But Fancy, welcoming you to yet another Master Bit Theater, a show that gets you inside the hearts and minds of some truly bizarre artists. Think about it, does anyone truly care what a certain video game character is thinking? I surely don’t. In fact, I only got this job because of my innate ability to dissolve fierce wars between neighboring Arabic states, as seen above. What that has to do with hosting a show about video game poetry is beyond me, but hey, if they can elect a president who nearly choked and died on a pretzel, then a furry blue monster of my caliber is certainly qualified enough to host a low brow program such as this while negotiating peace treaties via 1980s thought bubbles. Where was I?

Ah yes, today we will be discussing the fine art of sitting Indian style, or perhaps, the inability to sit any other way. Certainly this is something we are all taught in elementary school (unless you’re that one fellow, Aaron Hickman, in which case roping cattle comes first)

Aaron Hickman, age 9, doing his best Rob Luther impression with the finest Texan cacti available. YEE-HAW!

But one has to wonder, just why does today’s subject always seem to be sitting Indian style? There has to be some political reason, some sit in they are doing in protest of things like changing the Coke formula or the impromptu debut of the Sega Saturn, yes? Well today we take a look at the fine piece of poetry known as “Indian Style Without Fail” by the author Cornelius WhompEm, a true visionary in the realm of poems about how people choose to sit. Enjoy!


Indian Style Without Fail
by Cornelius WhompEm

Children always mocked me growing up
Less because of my premature baldness
Excessive beard
And awesome bod
But the fact I was born
Without the ability to stand

Born Indian style
Living Indian style
I ate Indian food
Enjoyed Slum Dog Millionaire
And hope one day to become
A truly sacred cow

It’s getting late
And I still need to eat something
Could you do me a favor?
Put this Hot Pocket in the microwave
Pour me some Sunny D
And praise Buddha

Because not long after you leave this dingy cave
It will be time for me to play some track and field
On the NES Power Pad
I am a master at it
After all

Can you believe that? And here I thought this guy was some political protestor, someone with deep roots in changing the world for the better. Born Indian style? I find that highly unlikely outside of New Delhi or Bombay, but I digress. Join us next time as we tackle a BIG issue. Ok, so big is a matter of opinion. Until then, be cool, stay in school.

Who writes this crap?

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